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WITH Goddess Funmilayo (JENNIFER L. HOLMES)



Sharing a man

Posted on November 16, 2019 at 4:05 PM

Since the beginning of time, women have had to deal with the other woman, or we have had to be the Other Woman. I honestly don’t think either position feels good, especially coming from a woman who has been in both situations. Like many of you, I've had times where I was sad, stressed out and depressed, because my man had fallen for someone else. Although I hated my situation, I still don’t think that the blame is ever on the other woman. Now unless that woman is your friend or family, she doesn’t owe you any loyalty and the blame should be geared towards the one who consciously goes against their vows. I know what you may be thinking, the women are wrong, and she deserves hell, but before you jump on my case, hear me out. Statistics show that the ratio of single women to single men in America is about 1:1.6 and the gender ratio of men and women are 101 males to every 100 women-Although we must also look at cultural, economic, and scientific forces creating an imbalance of men and woman, there should still be enough people in the world for everyone to have their mate. First, let's look at science, it is an undeniable fact that men and women are made differently, mentally, physiologically, and Anatomically. We produce different amounts of hormones and we also think different. Men are known to think with a more linear approach, using logic and rational, whereas women think more from our right side of the Brain, being more compassionate and creative. Men have proven throughout time that they also think with their penis, causing them to make decisions that they wouldn't have naturally made if it wasn't for their sexual desires. As we know, they will lie, cheat and steal to get what they want when they are thinking with their penis. It's not surprising that women believe the lies told by men, claiming that he is lonely, single, or unhappily married. Women are naturally nurturers, so naturally, we try to save them. I remember a time when I was practicing Islam and learning about the polygamist family dynamic, I was kinda intrigued by the possibility that a man can be honest, and that the women can be happy, sharing a man that they both called Husband. Thinking about everything that I've been through, from being cheated on, to how many married men are willing to date me, even though they are married, or in committed relationships. Even my stepfather, who I look at as the greatest man ever, had a buncha women that he was tied to. Even the men who are allowed based on cultural or religious freedoms to live a polygamist lifestyle, still cheat outside of the circle that he originally committed to. Since being in Atlanta, and traveling internationally, as a single woman, I find it nearly impossible to meet a man that has his shit together, attractive, a Mature Alpha, that's not married. From what I see, the Men who respect, and know how to treat a woman, with the qualities of a real man are usually attached to many women; not only a wife, but ex-girlfriends, and baby mamas who keep him as the masculine head of their life. whichever way we look at it, nowadays and since the beginning of time, we have been sharing "our" men. I think when we talk about 'the other woman", and "side piece," we have to remember that there are different categories that must be considered. some women are truly in full-blown relationships with a married man, while others are just there for the fun and maybe money. I doubt any woman grows up thinking that they would fall in love or want to be with a married man. The different types of mistresses can be women who have no emotional attachment and probably knew from day 1 that he was married, with the goal not to love, but to have a status upgrade, financial benefits or simply just for sex. These women could be one of their employees, women they meet at clubs, strippers, prostitutes, or even another man's wife. Then you have the women that have an emotional bond and connection with a married man. Some may know but can't control their feelings while others were bamboozled and manipulated into falling for this guy and may have not even known that he was married until they were already emotionally invested. These women can be best friends, co-workers, or someone who is around your man throughout the day and has taken time to build a friendship with a married man. As the main chick, out of the two types, we generally hate the ones who have an attachment with "our man" more than the one he just creeps out to sleep with or flirt with. Most of the time its because we see something in the other woman that we wish we possessed or we have the idea in our head that men cheat for the same reasons that we do. We rarely find out about the ones that are just being used sexually because most times the man makes it clear to them that they are Married and nothing could come from their escapade. Now there are some instances where the sex used-side piece makes it difficult, by wanting more and she starts acting cray cray, doing things to make it obvious that they are sleeping together. Outside of the crazy chicks, I think women only get a healthy emotional attachment when she is being lied to and when the man expects her to be faithful to him as if she was his woman. Many people argue that its the Woman's fault that her man is cheating and that if the wife did what she is supposed to do, then her man wouldn't stray, while others say if a woman knows that the man is married, she should just leave the man alone, thinking that if the woman walks away, her man would be faithful and go find another chick to sleep with. I have been on both sides of this game. I have been the main chick, getting cheated on, with many stressful and sleepless nights crying because My man had found another woman to cheat with. I have also been the woman who dated a married man, falling for the possible polygamist relationship without meeting the wife, realizing that he ws the only one in their marriage who believed in polygamy. I've also been in a situation where I found out months later, leaving me to the point where I started to just hate men. After realizing that I don’t hate men, I just didn’t understand them it has helped me get to the point of actually writing this blog. I think men and women both have a passion to be happy in life. I think that we are all individuals and we all have different things that make us tick; while also having a common need to be loved. I don’t see anything with a man or a woman wanting to be with multiple people if they choose. I just think that its the lies, manipulation, and trickery that is used to get what people want instead of being honest. If a woman wants and likes you, 5/10 she will still date you if you were honest about seeing other people. If you choose to marry for financial stability or to build financially, I think honesty on both sides and instead of having a committed relationship, they can choose to have an open relationship that can make for great business partners with occasional flings and possible happier children. Instead of lying, taking vows to be committed until death lets start having open discussions where men and women can be honest about our ever-evolving mindsets and how the nature of humans if connection and the pursuit of being "in love". Most married and happy couples have had to deal with infidelity but because their bond was built on a solid friendship, they may have worked it out or compromised. Many women understand their man's needs and allow them to have sexual encounters outside of the home and some choose to join in. In the "hook up" culture that we are living in, it's hard for anyone to settle and accept anything from anyone anymore because there are so many other options. I think women should stop hating and blaming each other for things that may or may not be the other woman’s fault. even a man that sleeps around should be understood as a man who is just living his life the way he sees fit to. Why do women stay in a relationship with a man that isn’t making her happy? why does she compete with other women if she is supposed to be the one who won the prize? Aren't both women Dealing with a man who is sleeping with another woman? Is it better to have the after-life benefits, or responsibility of cooking and cleaning for the husband or the one who just gets to have sex, and have him when he's happy? Family vacations or baecations? Both women are sharing but they both have different jobs. The mistress is mostly to feed his ego, sexual desires and to make him look good, whereas a wife is mostly looked at as his backbone, she tends to his home and raises his children. Either way, everyone deserves honesty and respect and anybody accepting anything than what they want for themselves needs to shift the focus back on themselves. Let us be honest, manipulating anyone into an Idea of who you are for your selfish reasons is wrong so let's start changing and removing ourselves from these bad situations before we compete or point the finger. Another thing to remember is that marriage is viewed differently based on people's perspectives and experiences. The other Woman can only respect the contract if the parties involved took it just as serious. what are your thoughts.. BEDIVINEMINDED.COM




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