SEX, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, TRAVELING, DATING, HEALING AND MOTHERHOOD.
|Posted on November 16, 2019 at 4:05 PM||comments (2234)|
Since the beginning of time, women have had to deal with the other woman, or we have had to be the Other Woman. I honestly don’t think either position feels good, especially coming from a woman who has been in both situations. Like many of you, I've had times where I was sad, stressed out and depressed, because my man had fallen for someone else. Although I hated my situation, I still don’t think that the blame is ever on the other woman. Now unless that woman is your friend or family, she doesn’t owe you any loyalty and the blame should be geared towards the one who consciously goes against their vows. I know what you may be thinking, the women are wrong, and she deserves hell, but before you jump on my case, hear me out. Statistics show that the ratio of single women to single men in America is about 1:1.6 and the gender ratio of men and women are 101 males to every 100 women-Although we must also look at cultural, economic, and scientific forces creating an imbalance of men and woman, there should still be enough people in the world for everyone to have their mate. First, let's look at science, it is an undeniable fact that men and women are made differently, mentally, physiologically, and Anatomically. We produce different amounts of hormones and we also think different. Men are known to think with a more linear approach, using logic and rational, whereas women think more from our right side of the Brain, being more compassionate and creative. Men have proven throughout time that they also think with their penis, causing them to make decisions that they wouldn't have naturally made if it wasn't for their sexual desires. As we know, they will lie, cheat and steal to get what they want when they are thinking with their penis. It's not surprising that women believe the lies told by men, claiming that he is lonely, single, or unhappily married. Women are naturally nurturers, so naturally, we try to save them. I remember a time when I was practicing Islam and learning about the polygamist family dynamic, I was kinda intrigued by the possibility that a man can be honest, and that the women can be happy, sharing a man that they both called Husband. Thinking about everything that I've been through, from being cheated on, to how many married men are willing to date me, even though they are married, or in committed relationships. Even my stepfather, who I look at as the greatest man ever, had a buncha women that he was tied to. Even the men who are allowed based on cultural or religious freedoms to live a polygamist lifestyle, still cheat outside of the circle that he originally committed to. Since being in Atlanta, and traveling internationally, as a single woman, I find it nearly impossible to meet a man that has his shit together, attractive, a Mature Alpha, that's not married. From what I see, the Men who respect, and know how to treat a woman, with the qualities of a real man are usually attached to many women; not only a wife, but ex-girlfriends, and baby mamas who keep him as the masculine head of their life. whichever way we look at it, nowadays and since the beginning of time, we have been sharing "our" men. I think when we talk about 'the other woman", and "side piece," we have to remember that there are different categories that must be considered. some women are truly in full-blown relationships with a married man, while others are just there for the fun and maybe money. I doubt any woman grows up thinking that they would fall in love or want to be with a married man. The different types of mistresses can be women who have no emotional attachment and probably knew from day 1 that he was married, with the goal not to love, but to have a status upgrade, financial benefits or simply just for sex. These women could be one of their employees, women they meet at clubs, strippers, prostitutes, or even another man's wife. Then you have the women that have an emotional bond and connection with a married man. Some may know but can't control their feelings while others were bamboozled and manipulated into falling for this guy and may have not even known that he was married until they were already emotionally invested. These women can be best friends, co-workers, or someone who is around your man throughout the day and has taken time to build a friendship with a married man. As the main chick, out of the two types, we generally hate the ones who have an attachment with "our man" more than the one he just creeps out to sleep with or flirt with. Most of the time its because we see something in the other woman that we wish we possessed or we have the idea in our head that men cheat for the same reasons that we do. We rarely find out about the ones that are just being used sexually because most times the man makes it clear to them that they are Married and nothing could come from their escapade. Now there are some instances where the sex used-side piece makes it difficult, by wanting more and she starts acting cray cray, doing things to make it obvious that they are sleeping together. Outside of the crazy chicks, I think women only get a healthy emotional attachment when she is being lied to and when the man expects her to be faithful to him as if she was his woman. Many people argue that its the Woman's fault that her man is cheating and that if the wife did what she is supposed to do, then her man wouldn't stray, while others say if a woman knows that the man is married, she should just leave the man alone, thinking that if the woman walks away, her man would be faithful and go find another chick to sleep with. I have been on both sides of this game. I have been the main chick, getting cheated on, with many stressful and sleepless nights crying because My man had found another woman to cheat with. I have also been the woman who dated a married man, falling for the possible polygamist relationship without meeting the wife, realizing that he ws the only one in their marriage who believed in polygamy. I've also been in a situation where I found out months later, leaving me to the point where I started to just hate men. After realizing that I don’t hate men, I just didn’t understand them it has helped me get to the point of actually writing this blog. I think men and women both have a passion to be happy in life. I think that we are all individuals and we all have different things that make us tick; while also having a common need to be loved. I don’t see anything with a man or a woman wanting to be with multiple people if they choose. I just think that its the lies, manipulation, and trickery that is used to get what people want instead of being honest. If a woman wants and likes you, 5/10 she will still date you if you were honest about seeing other people. If you choose to marry for financial stability or to build financially, I think honesty on both sides and instead of having a committed relationship, they can choose to have an open relationship that can make for great business partners with occasional flings and possible happier children. Instead of lying, taking vows to be committed until death lets start having open discussions where men and women can be honest about our ever-evolving mindsets and how the nature of humans if connection and the pursuit of being "in love". Most married and happy couples have had to deal with infidelity but because their bond was built on a solid friendship, they may have worked it out or compromised. Many women understand their man's needs and allow them to have sexual encounters outside of the home and some choose to join in. In the "hook up" culture that we are living in, it's hard for anyone to settle and accept anything from anyone anymore because there are so many other options. I think women should stop hating and blaming each other for things that may or may not be the other woman’s fault. even a man that sleeps around should be understood as a man who is just living his life the way he sees fit to. Why do women stay in a relationship with a man that isn’t making her happy? why does she compete with other women if she is supposed to be the one who won the prize? Aren't both women Dealing with a man who is sleeping with another woman? Is it better to have the after-life benefits, or responsibility of cooking and cleaning for the husband or the one who just gets to have sex, and have him when he's happy? Family vacations or baecations? Both women are sharing but they both have different jobs. The mistress is mostly to feed his ego, sexual desires and to make him look good, whereas a wife is mostly looked at as his backbone, she tends to his home and raises his children. Either way, everyone deserves honesty and respect and anybody accepting anything than what they want for themselves needs to shift the focus back on themselves. Let us be honest, manipulating anyone into an Idea of who you are for your selfish reasons is wrong so let's start changing and removing ourselves from these bad situations before we compete or point the finger. Another thing to remember is that marriage is viewed differently based on people's perspectives and experiences. The other Woman can only respect the contract if the parties involved took it just as serious. what are your thoughts.. BEDIVINEMINDED.COM
|Posted on September 4, 2019 at 12:15 AM||comments (5)|
Ladies, have you ever had a man that made love to your mind before he’s ever touched your skin?? A man who satisfies your desires and takes your mind to places you didn’t even think existed. These type of men aren’t easy to come by, and they damn sure aren’t found with a pack of wolves. If they are, they are definitely leading the pack. They are Alpha in every sense of the word. He’s So manly in his nature that the very thought of him makes you want to drop to your knees and completely submit your feminine energy to his will. Sometimes God will show you that these type of men exist at times that you’re not exactly ready for him. As women we must be leveled up to reach a man of this caliber. I mean, why would a man with complete control over his world want to waste time with a female with no direction and no value. This type of man makes you want to follow your dreams and see the world for its endless possibilities. God has shown me the image of what I would want for myself and it’s no going back. I want that, in every way imaginable. Until the day that we finally meet, I’ll keep following my dreams, and grinding. Just for you. Sincerely yours Goddess Funmi xoxo
JENNIFER L. HOLMES
|Posted on October 23, 2016 at 10:40 AM||comments (139)|
I know Its been awhile since ive posted a blog, and I am truly sorrry that I've kept you all waiting. Since my return from Nigeria, I've been really busy reevaluating my life and what it is that I truly want for myself. The trip to the motherland, has triggered so many emotions inside of me that I cant even explain it in a way that you will truely understand exactly how i feel. I will try to fill you in on my thoughts and my plans for my future. First, if you hav'nt done so already, please check out my first two blogs and my youtube videos, posted on the main page of this site. In the videos, you will see, the many things that i was blessed to do in Lagos, Nigeria. when i first arrived at the airport, I was in shock at the condition of the airport. I know that theres money in africa, so i was confused at why the building was so old and that they needed serious renovations. My bags took forever to unload, and the place was packed with security guards as well as airport staff. English was spoken so it wasn't hard for me to communicate and the people were very nice and willing to help. I was so scared. Many people came up to me, trying to sell me things, exchange my american money and offering me a cab to wherever i was going. A great friend warned me to not talk to anyoone and that afer i received my bags, that I should sit inside of the airport and wait for them to arrive and pick me up. I met a new friend on the plane that was originally from Nigeria, but now lived in America. They were heaven sent in my eyes because they helped me manuever through the obstacles, of security trying to see how much money I had and trying to make me tip them just to get inside of the main part of the airport. I learned quickly that Money Talks in Nigeria, louder than your mouth, and as long as you tip and look out for people, they are willing to help you out. I was scared, anxious, excited and culture shocked all at the same time. Eventually, my friends were there to pick me up, I must admit, once they arrived, I felt that I could finally exhale. Walking outide for the first time In Africa was something I have anticipated for my whole life. I Jennifer Holmes, was actually In Africa. If I didnt believe in dreams coming true before, I definetly do now. I have waited for this moment and it has finnaly happened. As I sit In the back seat of the car, I immediatly noticed the traffic, and the amount of people, in the streets, hustling, traveling to work and school. The streets of Lagos, is very busy and can be chaotic in a sense. Ive never seen so many black people at the same time, working together and living amongst each other with no violence. I was flicking my camera and watching everything that we rode by. I seen young children of all ages, selling things, sweeping in front of their families business, and I even seen a child no more than 10 years old, assisting his father, in changing a tire. I was in shock because my two boys, 8 and 15 years old, doesnt even act like they can take the garage out or clean their room without my assistance. It made me see how America is raising a bunch of "Baby Boys" instead of strong, self relying men. I arrived at the hotel around 11A.m. and they thought that I would be tired and ready to nap. Sleeping was the last thing on my mind, i was hungry and ready to explore Lagos. I was on high and I knew that I only had two weeks to see all that I can, so napping wasn't on my agenda at all. I showered and changed at the hotel and I was annoyed at the water pressure, and how the hot water ran out before I finished showering. The hotel was nicely built, with marble floors and gold water faucets. I noticed how they used the cement for the walls instead of dry wall, like we do in America. The building could outstand a hurricane, tornado and any other natural disaster that came its way. The staff were very nice and there was security at the gate to let us in and out. I felt safe and secure. My first stop was Ikeja Mall, where we had breakfast at a small family diner. I dont eat pork so when my plate came, I didnt want to offend, but i wanted to make sure there was no pork on my plate. I was reassured that Lagos has a large Muslim community and that the only way you will get pork, is if you specifally asked for it. That made my day. The second stop was to the Radio station where one of my friends had some things to do there. I learne there that they have three major stations in Lagos, majority of the people there speak english, but the three main languages are Yoruba, Ibo, and Hausa. The music there is similar to Reggae music, which I absolutly love, so it didnt take long before i fell in love with the sweet sounds of Nigeria's music. My favorite artist from Lagos is Kiss Daniel, Wiz Kid, Tiwa Savage and Teckno. Many of their music is a mixture of english and Yoruba, so it has also helped me to learn yoruba. The next stop of course, the hotel, because at this point i was now fighting my sleep. I arrived in Lagos at 5:30 a.m. and it was now 7 p.m., I was exhausted. That night I was awakened by my friends at around 11 p.m., i was told to get cute because we were going out. I was so excited to see what the Night life is like in Africa. First stop was to this place in Victoria Island called "Soul Lounge". I was fascinated at how thesecuirty didnt violate me by patting me down and searching through my purse, like they do here in America. When we entered the club, the first thing I noticed was the beautiful music coming from the live band consisting of a young energetic group of two ladies and three guys. We sat down at our booth and was greeted by the waiter, who was very nice. We ordered a bottle of Ciroc, and as I gazed the lounge, I noticed that everyone was enjoying the music and having a good time. For a second I forgot that I was in Africa. The people looked just like me and my family. Black people of all different shades, of beautiful brown. The band was very entertaining and they even came over to my booth and started singing to us personally. As the Ciroc filled my body, and the music played, I felt a sense of Euphoria. We left the Soul lounge at at round 3 a.m. where we then went to another club called Quilox, which was very luxorious. The people in the club was dancing andsocializing, men and women, not like the clubs here in America where the people would stand around as if they were in a fashion show instead of a party. I had so much fun the first night in Lagos, that at that point, I had already decided that I was gonna move there one day. my first day was very exciting but it doesn't compare to the rest of the trip and the great things that I was able to see and do while on my trip to the motherland. please make sure you watch the videos that I made for more on my amazing trip to Lagos, Nigeria.
|Posted on September 10, 2016 at 2:40 PM||comments (8)|
The time is approaching soon, and everything has finally come together. In one night and two days, I will be on a plane to london. I have never experienced an international flight and the fact that I have to fly to london, before Nigeria gives me the opportunity to have two experiences in one. I am so nervous, because of course everyone has negative things to say about me traveling alone, and what I need to do and not do, during my trip. I know that I need to be careful, with all of the barriers like different languages, cultural differences, and not to mention the viruses and diseases, I need to watch out for. Ive heard some of the craziest stories about Africa, not just the lies told to my vision, with TV, but also from people who've visited before." Dont drink The water", "watch out for some of the men" " dont be out at night". My emotions are all over the place right now, why would anyone want to scare me, especially after i've already purchased my ticket. I was informed, that I should only take Hundred dollar bills, so that when I get to the airport to do my currency exchange, the Nigerian embassy would give me more for the new American Big faced Blue notes, I thought "how interesting". I quickly did some research and found out that $1.00 american money is worth $331.00 dollars in Nigeria. my frst thought was, "im gonna be rich". I quickly learned, that I will have to trade in my highly favored US Dollar, for Nigerian currency, before I leave the Nigerian Airport. Yesterday, after paying all of my bills, I finally realized what ill have as spending money for this trip. because i'm making this public, I will not disclose the exact amount, but it was under $1,000 US dollars. After all, thats $331,000 compared to what it will be worth here in America. I had to research the prices for basic things like a soda, bottle of water, a typical meal at a restaurant. Can you believe a bottle of water in Nigeria, cost 67.03!! so, I see really quick that I will not be as wealthy as I thought. Im practicing using the Law off Atraction overtime this week and im manifesting some extra cash as I type this blog. The hardest part about this journey for me, is leaving my two children. Ive never been away from them for this amount of time. Preparing a schedule, and writing down the routines for the babysitter, is what i'm relying on to be their guide, and hopefully make things easier. Walmart was my best friend during this process. I purchased bulk items, like cereal, juices, waters, and toiletries to ensure that the boys will have everything they need while i'm away. Although they will have a babysitter, I am preparing my boys, as if they will be alone. my oldest is responsible for waking his brother up and getting him to the schools bus stop, my youngest has to prepare his lunch and school clothes the night before, I told him to help his brother keep track of dirty laundry and maintaining his homework everyday. There's never anyway to predict an emergency, so I also had to set up some emergency funds for them just incase. As you can see, this trip overall is a very costly one. Travel fees averaging $1400.00, shopping for home $300.00, monthly bills, passport and visa fees $550.00, spending money and emergency money. I am overwelmed, but also thankful that the Universe has been completly working with me to achieve this trip. Now that I have everything in order, and i'm almost done packing, ive been spending extra time with my children, cooking with them, visiting them at school and watching late night movies. I know I will miss them dearly. I have one last scheduled day to work and then on monday 9/12/16, one of my goals from my bucket list will be happening.
|Posted on September 5, 2016 at 9:30 PM||comments (6)|
The time has finally come for me to travel to Africa. I am full of mixed emotions and my mind is all over the place. first let me explain how difficult this process has been so far. It all began when A few Native African Coworkers of mine, knew how important it was for me to visit Africa, seeing as though I am always talking about the motherland and I even went as far as claiming full african, whenever I'm asked where i am from. It surprised me when i was invited by a co-worker, to go with her, to Africa for her parents anniversary party in September. Of course My first reaction was excitement as i screamed yes and gave her a huge hug. Although i knew i wanted to go, I didnt understand how much work and money goes into taking a trip to another continent but I was soon to see that this isnt a trip you can take unplanned. June came and i was ready to start the process. I had to first apply for my passport. Ive never traveled before and I was so excited to finally, at the age of 32, to be getting my passport. I wanted to go early because i didnt know exactly how long it would take to receive it after I applied. It cost me about $120.00, and although they estimated 4-6 weeks, my passport was in the mail after about 3 weeks. you may be saying, " thats not so bad" but trust me, that was the easy part. The summer was full of trials and tribulations, as I am still a single mother, faced with many struggles everyday. My Oldest son, chipped his tooth in the pool, My mother, who was supposed to come stay with the boys during my trip, was admitted to the hospital. My hours were cut at work, and I became behind on my bills. I was extremely stressed and unaware of how I was gonna pay for this trip to Africa, and find a baby sitter, get my sons school supplies, clothes, and my oldest sons tooth fixed. I didnt think I had any other choice but to cancel my plans to travel to Africa. I was crushed and hurt, that after getting my hopes up high, that I may never get another chance to visit Africa. I became a little depressed. You ever heard the saying that goes "The best way to make God laugh, is to tell him your plans"? I heard that in a movie before and I didnt quite understand it until now. In the beginning of August, a friend of mine called, and told me that they could notice, I wasn't vibrating at a high frequency. They said they noticed that I was attention seeking on social media and that my post were reflecting loneliness. maybe I was lonely, I mean I have been single for over two years and being a single mom was never in my plans. I didnt want to admit it, but he was right. I started giving up hope for not only this trip, but my dreams as well. I thought that from the looks of things, I will forever be in a cycle of working, taking care of my children alone, and being alone. My friend referred a book for me to read called The Alchemist, by Paul Coelho. It took me a few days to pick it up, but when I did, I returnd home from the book store to my power being off at my place, due to a tree falling on our power lines. Anything that can go wrong for me was going wrong. I couldnt charge my phone because for some reason it stopped charging and there was no way I would be able to pay for another 500$ phone. I was stressed out. sitting outside in my truck listening to the radio, I remembered the book that I just purchased sitting on my passenger seat. I picked up the book and started reading. I was so into this book, i didnt realize that I had been out in the car for three hours. My son came outside to tell me that the lights were back on and thats when I finally took my head out of the book. After my shower and cooking for the boys, I laid in bed and finished the book. The book was about a young man in search for his personal Legend. It reminded me that I wasnt a sheep and I didnt want to be stuck doing what I was doing every day, for the rest of my life. I wanted to travel and search for my own personal Legend. I remembered that i had some ideas in the past to start an online store, to make some extra money, since I'm always online anyways. I started searching the web and I found many great sites for wholesale buyers with great prices. I had to take a chance on myself I thought, and I took no time, ordering the items I wanted to sell. I was extremely motivated after reading The Alchemist, that I even went and picked up the book called "The Secret" which completely changed my life. I found out about the Law of Attraction and how I can act as an Alchemist and turn pain into pleasure by just claiming what it was that I wanted. No lie, throughout the next few weeks I practiced the Law of attraction and began receiving extra money for bills, temporary medacaid for my son to fix his tooth, and By the grrace of the universe, my coworkers had came together and collected the money for my plane ticket. Remember earlier, I told you that my job cut my hours? well the days that I had off, was extactly the two weeks that my trip was planned for. My mother is now in a Rehab, safe and healthy, and my sister has requested to come stay in Atlanta for the month of september to help me with my boys. Talk abot magic. My store has been selling items every week which has helped me in a major way. I received some hardship trying to attain a visa to go to Nigeria. They charged me $180.00 to do the application online, seeing as though the nigerian embassy of Atlanta just happened to be shut down right now. I had so much trouble on the site, I purchased the wrong money order at rite aid and they wouldnt allow me to return it for a postal money order that nigeria requires. After I thought I finally sent in everything, they call me two days later stating that I would also need to send my bank statement showing over $1,000, a letter of invitation from someone in nigeria and a copy of their passport, another money order for $85.00 to expedite the proess, seeing as though I have exactly two weeks before my flight and a list of vaccines. They also charged me $96.00 to process the application, and I had to send in my passport, a self stamped envelope and pay for next day delivery at the post office. I was completely stressed out, but as of yesterday i finally received an email, stating that my visa application has been submitted and should be on its way. Talk about a headache. Here it is 7 days before I board my first international flight. I still have packing and planning to do as well as preparation for my boys while i'm away. I believe this trip will change my life and that I will come back a different woman. I believe everything that ive been through is preparing me for my journy to finding my personal legend and I cant be more excited. Stay tuned for more Blogs on my journey to visit The MotherLand. Love, Divineminded Queen AKA Jennifer Holmes